1 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,160 -I'm not driving you. -Please. 2 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,520 I said no! 3 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,080 -Fine. I'm gonna miss English. -Ooh, you better not. 4 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:35,520 I spend every waking hour paying for your f**king school fees. 5 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,280 And that's my fault, is it? 6 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:38,680 Obviously not. 7 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,760 Great. So if you're done blaming me for your decisions, 8 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,920 -you can drop me at the station. -Hey! Walk away from the car. 9 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,559 Alice, get your hands off the Corolla. 10 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,799 And pull your skirt down at the back. It's all hitched... 11 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,360 -Hey, Mia. -Hi, Sam. 12 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:11,320 No, no. 110%. Too easy. 13 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,440 -Thank you. -My pleasure. 14 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:14,360 Bye. 15 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,640 Sorry, it was the kid. 16 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,240 I don't wanna bore you with the details, but that little turd, 17 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,360 she was on fire this morning. 18 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,040 So what did he say? 19 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,160 Readership's down, they're haemorrhaging cash 20 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,040 and someone's definitely getting the arse. 21 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,440 -Oh, it's me, isn't it? -It's you... 22 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:34,919 or Stuart. 23 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,000 Can't you make him sit down? 24 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,640 You need to annihilate him. 25 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,400 -Oh, I can do that. -Yeah, but historically, you can't. 26 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,880 -Yes, I can. -Sam! 27 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,160 You're a better writer, you're a better human. 28 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,639 Nobody cares. 29 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,360 They want one piece from each of you. 30 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,000 Different advertorials. 31 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,800 A new-age float tank. 32 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,680 Sex toy for couples. 33 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,120 -Oh, don't make me cry. -I'm giving you the first choice. 34 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,320 Do the float tank. 35 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,680 You can spin gold out of that in your sleep, you love a bath. 36 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,400 I'm not topping Stuart with a float tank. 37 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,799 Give us the sex toy. 38 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,280 Toys, plural. 39 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:21,600 Yeah, yeah, whatever. Whatever. 40 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:23,959 It's for couples. 41 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,560 -Don't f**k me. -Nah. 42 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,440 Yeah. You can count on me. 43 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,720 -Hey, Stuart. Hi. -Hey. 44 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,240 Nice to see you. 45 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,079 Stuart. 46 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,240 George! 47 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,800 Hey. Hey. 48 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,880 Sorry. Sorry, I'm late. 49 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,360 I don't care. 50 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:50,800 Hang on just a sec. 51 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:55,720 Oh, yeah. 52 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,280 Oh, Leish wants you to bring the sweet potato salad. 53 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,720 Yeah, no, she told me. 54 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,080 -Mate, I need a favour from you. -Can do. 55 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,760 I need you to masturbate into a machine for me. 56 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,480 Look, if it's any help, I'll also be wanking with a... 57 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,200 like a complimentary machine, 58 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,600 -same time. -How would that help? 59 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,800 And, uh, both devices, they're sort of connected to each other. 60 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,240 I mean, not physically. 61 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,360 They could be in different countries, that's a whole idea. 62 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,640 Oh, this is for work. Can't I just write you a cheque? 63 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,000 Oh, mate, you know I would take your money, 64 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,680 but this is more than a bailout, this is actually my future. 65 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,160 -Is it? Really? -Yes. 66 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:30,920 Yes. My job is on the line. 67 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,400 Look, if I had access to any other cock at all, I wouldn't be asking. 68 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,920 But I am getting less skilled by the hour. 69 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,680 I am knee-deep in middle-age oblivion. 70 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,240 And the truth is, I don't give a s**t. 71 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,760 I want to be invisible, but I also want to eat. 72 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,040 And I want to educate my kid and I don't want to be homeless. 73 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,320 OK. OK. 74 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,279 OK? 75 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,160 So... what I've gotta... 76 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,960 -... put myself into... -Yeah. It's just like a... 77 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,160 It's like a little fake vagina. 78 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,720 It's in the back of the car. 79 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,559 Thanks again, mate. 80 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,120 I owe you one. 81 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,120 That is a bloody big box. 82 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:17,600 Feel flattered. 83 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,320 Also, I'm on a 48-hour deadline. 84 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,080 Oh, mate, it's pretty busy the next couple of days, it's chock-a-block. 85 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,999 -I can't just... -What about right now? 86 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,600 -Yep. -Uh, I feel like I've already failed. 87 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,799 It... it looks like... a thermos. 88 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,280 Or a bit of PVC pipe. 89 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,400 -Actually, that makes more sense. -Yeah, I'm just gonna... 90 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,920 read the instructions. 91 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,040 You telling me you don't know how to turn on a vibrator? 92 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,520 Oh, mate, this is not your usual vibrator. 93 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,320 Maybe you should put that in your article. 94 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,720 Yeah. Why don't you write it? 95 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:27,879 I will. 96 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,400 Oh, here we go. 97 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,640 I've got an instructional video. 98 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:34,840 I'm gonna watch this. 99 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,880 Welcome to a brave new world of sexual indulgence 100 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,800 where physical distance is no longer a barrier 101 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,920 and modern technology meets old-fashioned romance. 102 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,640 Am I supposed to just put it straight into that, 103 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,280 without any lube or...? 104 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,040 ...adjustable clit arm. 105 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:55,040 Any user anywhere can control the vagina. 106 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,640 OK, well, I don't want to do that. I mean, who does? 107 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,360 Like, who are they talking to? Psychologically, I mean? 108 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,600 It's pretty reductive. 109 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,400 They clearly underestimate the complexity of male sexuality. 110 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,839 We've got to charge the f**king things. 111 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,440 I mean, seriously? 112 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,919 How hard is it to bang one out the old-fashioned way? 113 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,159 It's not that hard. 114 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,800 Well, that... that feels incredible. 115 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,480 Oh, f**k! Mine's moving! 116 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:28,999 Is yours moving? 117 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,000 Oh, yeah, it's doing something. 118 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,280 OK, well... 119 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,200 what do we do now? 120 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,240 -I'm just gonna go in. -What, no foreplay? 121 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,800 Yeah, well, mate, you just keep up. 122 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:47,879 OK, hang on. 123 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,120 Alright, can you feel anything? 124 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,520 Oh, yep! Oh, I really can. 125 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,920 Yeah? OK, I'm just going to, um... 126 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,720 have a little poke around. 127 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,000 If you feel something, you just tell me, yeah? 128 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,720 Oh, f**k! 129 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,000 -Wow. -Yeah, yeah! 130 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,640 Yeah. 131 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,240 Oh, my... God! 132 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,640 Are they, uh... are they happy sounds or...? 133 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,840 Yeah, yep, yeah... 134 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:26,880 Great. 135 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,440 OK, so I'm just gonna fire off a few questions as we go, 136 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,720 so I just get a sense of what the experience is for you. 137 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,800 But if it's too distracting, you just tell me 'cause I can... 138 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,320 I can save them all up for the end. 139 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,040 Oh, Sammy. So... Wait... Oh, my... 140 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,120 Oh, fu... Oh, can... 141 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,480 Oh, f**k. S... sorry. 142 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,400 Sorry. So... 143 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,120 Oh, f**k. 144 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,439 Sorry. 145 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:53,880 Did you just...? 146 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,040 Yep, I really did... Oh, God! 147 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,919 Oh, you are f**king kidding me. 148 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:04,520 Oh, my God, I have not felt anything like that in my life. 149 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,040 That thing could end the human race. 150 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,560 Holy s**t! It felt that good. 151 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,000 Oh, f**k. So sorry. 152 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,840 -Oh, no. -Sorry. 153 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,040 It's fine. I'm happy for you. 154 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,320 Oh, thanks, mate. How'd you go? 155 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,040 You didn't even turn me on. 156 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,160 That's... embarrassing. 157 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,840 Oh, who am I gonna tell? 158 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,000 Um... mate, just give me... 159 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,920 Give me 40 to an hour to reload. 160 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,160 Ah, mate, it's not your actual d**k. 161 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,080 Oh, yeah? How good's that, eh? 162 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,360 Yeah. Yeah, that's really handy. 163 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,160 Oh, so I'm just, um... 164 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,800 I'm just hitting buttons, am I? 165 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:43,920 Yep. That's it. 166 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:46,640 What's that? What's that doing? 167 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,120 Nothing. 168 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,800 Oh. Uh... 169 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,640 How about now? 170 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,760 Um, nup. Nothing. 171 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:56,320 Now? 172 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,160 Nothing. 173 00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,960 -Ow! -Good ow? 174 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,400 No, that's painful ow. Ow! What are you doing? 175 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:03,680 Well, it's a bit confusing. 176 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,120 It's like they don't want you to understand. 177 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,200 Well, I managed to work it out. 178 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,440 Oh, f**k. Sorry. That's my alarm. Hang on. 179 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,200 -Oh, could you just turn it off? -Yeah, I'm trying. 180 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,479 It's Tom. 181 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,640 -I've gotta go pick him up. -Yeah. Yeah, of course. 182 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,920 But, hey, at least we know both machines work, yeah? 183 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,360 So... so job done. 184 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:28,720 I cannot write that review. 185 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,920 I cannot say, "The fake vagina works a treat. 186 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,640 My mate blew in five seconds, 187 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,800 but then he had to go and pick up his son 188 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,120 so we will never know if the fake d**k works." 189 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,200 Fair enough. 190 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,080 Oh, my God. 191 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,719 I'm running out of time. 192 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,920 OK. Midday tomorrow. 193 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,760 -Thank you. -Don't thank me yet. 194 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,640 Oh, jeez, it was easy getting into this thing. 195 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,160 It's proving a lot more difficult... 196 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:55,960 I'm, um... 197 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,920 -...to get back out. -I'm just going to let you go. 198 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,639 Yeah, OK, I need both hands. 199 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,279 Wait, big boy. 200 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,200 -She's been in my room! -Oh, f**k off. 201 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,480 -Ella! -She had shoes on. 202 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,040 -Hey, pull your head in. -You are literally insane. 203 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,320 -It smells like dog poo. -She didn't go in there, mate. 204 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,520 -I swear to God. -Back and forth and back and forth! 205 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,320 Ella, why do you provoke him? 206 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,920 Tom. Tommy. Hey, Tommy. 207 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,560 Hey, look at me. Tommy, Look at me. 208 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,480 Mate, it was me. I'm sorry. 209 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,600 I went in there to drop off some clean clothes, and I got distracted. 210 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,000 I'm sorry, I forgot. I will... 211 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,160 I'll disinfect it straight after tea, OK? 212 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,399 OK. Four breaths in... 213 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,640 and out. 214 00:10:58,680 --> 00:10:59,640 And in 215 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:01,720 and out. 216 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,680 Let's just have a nice dinner, OK? Come on. 217 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,440 Do you have to have your boobs out like that?! 218 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,800 -Well, they float, so... -Just put them away. 219 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,680 I... I genuinely, I can't. 220 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,600 You don't have to look at them so disgustedly. 221 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:21,960 This is really sad. 222 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,680 You're projecting your body shame onto me. 223 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,080 How? 224 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,000 I don't have time to educate you. 225 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:27,919 Where's dinner? 226 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,120 It's, uh, in the fridge. 227 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,639 -Is it leftovers? -Yeah. You know it is, baby. 228 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:08,560 Hey. 229 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,720 Hey, mate. Sorry. Sorry. 230 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,480 It's been one s**tstorm after the other. 231 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,000 I've just gotten home. 232 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,600 The boys went to the wrong site, the bloody concrete came late. 233 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,360 Just give me a couple of secs. 234 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,760 Is it just work s**tstorms or...? 235 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,200 Oh, it's pretty even spread. 236 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,400 We've hit another rough patch with Tom. 237 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,880 Oh, s**t. Is it new meds? 238 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:31,959 No. 239 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,400 That's probably on the cards, though, yeah. 240 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,120 Well, how's Liesh? 241 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,919 Yeah, yeah. She's, um... 242 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,200 She's feeling it. 243 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:43,640 Yeah. 244 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,640 Well, give him my love. 245 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:46,920 Yeah. 246 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:48,799 Yeah, I will. 247 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,480 Do you... 248 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,479 reckon this is something that we should have run by Leish? 249 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,680 Um, maybe you could have put that on the table 250 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,160 before I came into a machine, but... 251 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,120 N-no. 252 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,320 I mean... No, no, it's OK. Yeah. No, it's... it's fine. 253 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,439 I've already done it anyway, so... 254 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,960 Yeah, OK. Well, um, great. 255 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,520 Alright, so I've read the instruction booklet, you know, 256 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,920 cover to cover, so I've really got a handle on it now. 257 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,920 -Was I supposed to read that? -In a perfect world, yeah. 258 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,040 But I didn't expect you to, so I'm gonna walk you through it. 259 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,600 Are you in yet? 260 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:38,600 No, I gotta... I gotta put the phone down. 261 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,200 Oh, yeah. OK, so go on. 262 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,840 And when you're ready, we're just going to go back into your settings. 263 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:46,760 Yeah? 264 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:51,800 OK, I'm... I'm in. 265 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,400 Alright, great. Alright, so let's go... 266 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,760 -No, hang on. I'll get my phone. -Yeah. 267 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,200 OK, uh... I'm in settings. 268 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:00,360 Yep. 269 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,720 It's not lit up like before. 270 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,880 Why are you FaceTiming me? 271 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,800 Just answer it and show me your phone screen. 272 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,520 Are you... 273 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,080 in bed? 274 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,520 Yeah. 275 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,800 So, uh, show us your phone screen. 276 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:19,880 Uh, y-yep. 277 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,000 OK, um... 278 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,999 Oh, yeah, see where it says 'Bluetooth'? 279 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:24,760 Yeah. 280 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,600 Yeah, and that little white dot on the right? 281 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:27,840 That was green before. 282 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,800 F**k sake. Just... just push that. 283 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:30,560 Oh, yeah. 284 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:31,919 Oh, yeah. Green again. 285 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,120 Yeah, there you go. 286 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,560 Yeah. OK, let's get this party started. 287 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,320 Um, let's just, um... 288 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,760 -Let me just set the tone here. -Please. 289 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,880 Alright, so we're just going to take baby steps, alright? 290 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,440 And we're going to do it together. 291 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,520 -Say no more. -Oh, well, I will say more. 292 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,640 -I'll say more about the remote. -No, you probably should. 293 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:49,880 -Yeah. -About the remote. Yep. 294 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,360 So if you just think about it like it's... 295 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,480 it's just like a video game or it's... it's like a TV remote. 296 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,280 -Right. Right. -You know? 297 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,200 You can. Here you go. You can go up. 298 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,000 OK. 299 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,800 Mm. You can go down. 300 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,959 -Oh! -Or you can go left. 301 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,920 -Yep. -And you can go right. 302 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,439 -Just like driving a forklift. -Yep. 303 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,520 Oh, OK. 304 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,840 So... up. 305 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,600 Oh, hello. 306 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,400 OK. OK, that's doing something. 307 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,440 Good something? 308 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,760 -How about if I do this? -Ah... 309 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,959 -Is that better or...? -Yeah, that's not bad. 310 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,520 Alright, how about if I do this? 311 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,840 Oh, f**k. Um... 312 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,560 I'm just gonna... 313 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,520 I'm just gonna turn the camera off. 314 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:37,520 Oh, that good? 315 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,400 Yeah, I just don't want to see your come face. 316 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,080 I actually happen to look quite handsome. 317 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,560 Ha! No, you don't. 318 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:43,999 How do you know? Leish likes it. 319 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:45,560 She's lying. 320 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,080 Alright, how about some, uh, some role play? 321 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,360 The, um, the um... 322 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,080 the tale of the simple-minded gimp. 323 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,440 Is that's supposed to be Irish? 324 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,840 It's clearly Scottish. Oh. You have a go, then. 325 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,480 Oh... 326 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,120 -That's not gonna... -Oh... 327 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,160 -OK. Yep. -...happen. 328 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:04,760 Oh, my God. 329 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:05,960 OK. 330 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,999 Oh, Jesus. 331 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,760 Oh, f**k me! 332 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,960 Oh, my God. No wonder you came so quickly. 333 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,400 -Oh, oh, oh! Thank you. -Oh, f**k. 334 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,360 Oh, if you could just, um... 335 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:19,760 Oh, could you just turn me up? 336 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,200 Just... just... just a little? 337 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,960 Oh! Yep. Yeah. Yeah. 338 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,560 -Oh! -Oh, God. 339 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,560 Is it, um... 340 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,800 is it too weird if I, uh... 341 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,439 I want to see your face. 342 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,480 Oh, f**k. 343 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,120 -Oh. -Yeah, yeah. 344 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,480 Oh, I just... I am... 345 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,400 -Oh, f**k. I'm right behind you. -Oh. OK, slow it down. 346 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,600 Right there, right there, right there. Right there. Right there. 347 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,840 Could you just... 348 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,200 Oh, f**k. Turn me up! 349 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,280 Yeah, yeah. 350 00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,520 Oh, God! 351 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,400 Oh! Oh! 352 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,240 -Oh! Oh! -Oh, Jesus. 353 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,520 Oh! 354 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,320 Oh, no. Wait, wait! Stop! Wait! 355 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,640 No, don't... F**k! Don't come... It's not what it looks like. 356 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,040 Jesus. What the f**k?! 357 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:11,040 Oh, God. 358 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:12,560 Oh, no. Oh, f**k. 359 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,800 Oh, God! 360 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,919 Oh, God! 361 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:32,880 S**t. 362 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:35,640 G'day. 363 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,240 This is George from Creek Custom Concrete. 364 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,479 Sorry, I can't come to the phone right now. Just leave a message. 365 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:46,600 God! 366 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,120 Why aren't you at school?! 367 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,280 Half day. 368 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,840 How long have you been here? 369 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,880 -Why are you out of breath? -I'm not out of breath. 370 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:56,520 Have you been shopping? 371 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,480 No. 372 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,520 I'm sorry. I'm on a deadline, so just... just order what you want. 373 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,160 I failed my philosophy exam. 374 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,200 What? 375 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,120 Oh, not the ethics one. Oh, bub. 376 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,000 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 377 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,080 What is that smell? 378 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,480 What smell? You smell like... 379 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,080 plastic or Play-Doh. 380 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,399 -Oh. -I'm getting sushi. 381 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,639 F**k. 382 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,240 -Oh, my God. You're making dinner? -Oh, no, it's just a salad. 383 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,000 We're supposed to be going to George and Leisha's tonight for dinner, 384 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,600 but, you know, if you've, um... 385 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,040 if you've got a lot on or if you're not feeling that well or... 386 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,520 Why would you pull out this late and risk setting Tommy off? 387 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,360 I'm just thinking about you. 388 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,520 I'm fine. 389 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,440 Really? 390 00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,919 I mean... I'm OK. 391 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,160 Can I drive? 392 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,920 I screamed, yes. I thought we were gonna crash. 393 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,080 We had heaps of room. 394 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,880 I'll tell you one thing, you are not driving home. 395 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:10,960 Why? 396 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,960 -Why are you so jumpy? -I'm not jumpy! 397 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,080 -You are! Relax! -I'm not! I'm not! 398 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,040 Hello, ladies. 399 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,920 Hello, lady. 400 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,800 -How's school? -Ask her. 401 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,520 It's the single worst decision I have ever made. 402 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,359 Oh, come on. We both know you've made much worse calls than that. 403 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,680 Alice, do you want ice-cream? 404 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,240 Nope, she doesn't. 405 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,040 Actually, I'd love some. Thanks, Tommy. 406 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,280 No worries. 407 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,360 Why are you being so nice to him? 408 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,280 I don't know. He's cute. 409 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:56,680 F**k's sake, don't tell him. 410 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,560 So... how's work? 411 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:02,119 Oh, you know, same s**t, different bucket. 412 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,400 They put me on advertorials. 413 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:08,800 More wine, ladies? 414 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:09,840 Yeah, it's pretty painful. 415 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,119 Yeah, just up to there. 416 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,200 But, you know, the last one, 417 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,839 very well received by the higher ups. 418 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,600 Only been out 24 hours 419 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,200 and already got more traffic than my last 12 articles combined. 420 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:26,360 So... 421 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,640 still got a job, which is, you know, nice. 422 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,199 Just going to get the wine that I left... 423 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,000 Are you going to keep this s**t up all night? 424 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,320 I am so... 425 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,080 What's he done now? 426 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,800 Actually, you know what? Don't tell me. 427 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:53,200 Whatever it is, just go give him a spray and sort it out. 428 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,000 Please, for my sake. 429 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,880 That dinner was s**t, mate. 430 00:21:58,240 --> 00:21:59,599 The kids had better banter. 431 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,280 I don't know what to say. 432 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,440 Don't say anything. 433 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,999 -I'm so sorry. -Just let's not... talk. 434 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,640 -I'm gonna talk. -I know you are. 435 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,080 I am so sorry that I made you do that. 436 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,440 You didn't make me do anything. 437 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,760 I just pulled out that homeless old lady card. 438 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,520 I mean, what sort of arsehole does that? 439 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:51,760 It was just that I was... 440 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,319 I was desperate, and I wasn't thinking straight and... 441 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,480 I just need you to tell me... 442 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,679 have I f**ked it? 443 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,439 'Cause I'd rather put Alice in care than lose you. 444 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,359 No-one would take Alice. 445 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,720 Leish caught me red-handed. 446 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:27,799 S**t. 447 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,560 She got... got a hell of a shock. 448 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:35,760 -Don't worry she didn't see you. -No, I wasn't thinking that. 449 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,160 -You f**king were. -Yeah, I know. I was. 450 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,280 Oh, God. Sorry. 451 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:41,360 Anyway, worked out pretty well. 452 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:42,559 How?! 453 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,080 Well, I told her that, um... 454 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,280 I was thinking about her the whole time 455 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:51,319 and that I missed her and... 456 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,240 I don't know if it was out of 457 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,839 lust or pity or just plain confusion, but... 458 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,400 she hasn't f**ked me like that in years. 459 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,120 That's pretty beautiful. 460 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,079 Yeah. Yeah, it was. 461 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:24,960 I love you, mate. 462 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,880 Yeah, yeah. I love you too. 463 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,080 You do look pretty handsome when you come. 464 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:36,800 Do I? 465 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:38,280 Nuh. 466 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,000 Not even a little bit. 467 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,720 -I closed my eyes when you came. -Ho! 468 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,840 You didn't even see it. 469 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,719 -It would've made your world shake. -There I was going back and...